In early October, I decided I was in need of a facebook cleanse, and challenged myself to not login for the next 30 days. I posted a notification on my wall (which I found out was a bit cryptic for some) and let my "friends" know I would be gone for a while and to email and call me. Some people thought this meant I was purging my friends list, while others understood I just simply needed a break.
Obviously, I'm back online and posting this blogpost to facebook, but thought I'd share with you some of the things I learned over the course of the past month.
1) I have no routine
For those of you who don't know, I spend a lot of my year traveling and have a hard time committing to things. My job takes me all over the US/world (which I take full advantage of), but often find myself feeling as if I'm missing out on things. I was away from home for a total of 8 weeks between May and September this summer, driving Boomer to NY to stay with his grandparents while I went to Europe twice and sought refuge volunteering at Manitou Experience in Maine.
I was not (still am not) good at returning emails (sorry Red, I still owe you a long one!) or reaching out to people when I got back home. I often felt overwhelmed when walking back in the house and thinking, okay, now back to reality, but what is my reality?
2) I had a false sense of friendship
Oddly enough though, I still felt as if I was connecting with people and knew what was going on in their lives. Because of facebook. I was/am still more of a facebook voyeur, reading people's posts, following their updates, looking at their pictures, but never really responding or commenting. I didn't feel the need to reach out and ask "how are you?" because I felt as if I already knew. I could sit in front of the computer or on my phone for an hour and "catch up" with people. But no words were ever spoken, no sounds were ever made besides the clicking of the keyboard, and I'd often find daylight bleeding into darkness and all those things on my to-do list getting put aside. And I was feeling inadequate. But, why? Because everyone else's lives seemed happier, or more exciting, or because they were checking things off their to-do list? Maybe, guilty is a better word, because I was wasting time and not getting anything out of it.
3) I was lonely and needed human interaction
Adding to all of this, I work from home. So I'm either running at 150%, traveling, smiling, being nice to people, leading teams, fixing problems, etc or I'm home and sitting in my pajamas all day. Quite the contrast. While everyone else was coming home for the day and unwinding, I was looking for ways to get out of the house and to fulfill my need for human interaction. I sign up for art classes and love my stained glass class on monday nights. I look forward to my spring and fall tennis seasons because we practice every wednesday night. But what about the other nights? Could I go to the gym - of course. But did I always make it? No. I'd find myself "playing" on the computer, checking facebook and then talking myself out of things. I was again, wasting time.
4) I needed a change
All of this lead up to the 30 day cleanse challenge. I deleted the app off my phone and cleared my cookies/browser cache so if I slipped up, I'd be forced to login. I admit, for the first week, I had a big urge to see what was going on, but after a while, that went away. I made a list of things I wanted to get done and I started to push myself. Believe me, it wasn't easy. The introvert in me wanted to go back to the routine of quiet, but I forced myself to step outside my comfort zone. I called neighbors and friends and went for walks. I lingered at the dogpark longer and actually talked to people and got to know them by their name, instead of as "Wolfgang's Dad or Disa's Mom". I went to the coffee shop, sat on the patio and worked outside for the afternoon (Boomer liked that). I networked with work friends and went into the office. I called friends I hadn't talked to in a while and actually had a long phone conversation. Not via text or email, actual phone! I went to lunch with friends during the day. And I started to research my next career and the one after that. I figured out how to fill gaps by volunteering. And I'm in the process of applying to another grad school program.
5) I did miss out on things
Was I feeling better? Yes! When my 30 days was up and I finally decided to log in and respond to the emails and friend requests I realized though that I was missing out on things. Significant events in people's lives were occurring (happy and sad) and I didn't know about it. I wasn't always seeing the pictures my family members were posting. But on the flip side, people weren't communicating with me either outside of facebook. Were they sending me pictures directly? Not all the time. Were people communicating difficult times directly via email. Not always. Was I missing out on an interesting article from NPR or updates from my Manitou Experience friends and fellow volunteers. Absolutely! I was feeling left out, but I was no longer feeling lonely about it or as if I was wasting my time. I did question though, can I live in a world without facebook? If everyone else is using this for communications, how can I not be included. What would happen if I stopped it completely?
6) Is there a conclusion to all of this?
That's a good question. I'm still trying to find my routine and figure out what a happy medium is for me. I know that I want to keep in touch with people and feel connected and a part of their lives. But I also know that I have started to build some bigger friendships with people face to face and outside of the social media world, and I like these better. But I also don't want to be out of the loop. How can I include social media in my life without it taking over my life. How can I pick and choose and be in control? For now, I'm still limiting my time on facebook and have gradually added it back in. I log in every few days now, but not on a daily basis. Am I missing things? Yes. Am I okay with that. Absolutely!
So if you'd read this far, I'd be interested in your opinion. Would you be willing to take the 30 day challenge? Do you find yourself contemplating a break from facebook?
Obviously, I'm back online and posting this blogpost to facebook, but thought I'd share with you some of the things I learned over the course of the past month.
1) I have no routine
For those of you who don't know, I spend a lot of my year traveling and have a hard time committing to things. My job takes me all over the US/world (which I take full advantage of), but often find myself feeling as if I'm missing out on things. I was away from home for a total of 8 weeks between May and September this summer, driving Boomer to NY to stay with his grandparents while I went to Europe twice and sought refuge volunteering at Manitou Experience in Maine.
I was not (still am not) good at returning emails (sorry Red, I still owe you a long one!) or reaching out to people when I got back home. I often felt overwhelmed when walking back in the house and thinking, okay, now back to reality, but what is my reality?
2) I had a false sense of friendship
Oddly enough though, I still felt as if I was connecting with people and knew what was going on in their lives. Because of facebook. I was/am still more of a facebook voyeur, reading people's posts, following their updates, looking at their pictures, but never really responding or commenting. I didn't feel the need to reach out and ask "how are you?" because I felt as if I already knew. I could sit in front of the computer or on my phone for an hour and "catch up" with people. But no words were ever spoken, no sounds were ever made besides the clicking of the keyboard, and I'd often find daylight bleeding into darkness and all those things on my to-do list getting put aside. And I was feeling inadequate. But, why? Because everyone else's lives seemed happier, or more exciting, or because they were checking things off their to-do list? Maybe, guilty is a better word, because I was wasting time and not getting anything out of it.
3) I was lonely and needed human interaction
Adding to all of this, I work from home. So I'm either running at 150%, traveling, smiling, being nice to people, leading teams, fixing problems, etc or I'm home and sitting in my pajamas all day. Quite the contrast. While everyone else was coming home for the day and unwinding, I was looking for ways to get out of the house and to fulfill my need for human interaction. I sign up for art classes and love my stained glass class on monday nights. I look forward to my spring and fall tennis seasons because we practice every wednesday night. But what about the other nights? Could I go to the gym - of course. But did I always make it? No. I'd find myself "playing" on the computer, checking facebook and then talking myself out of things. I was again, wasting time.
4) I needed a change
All of this lead up to the 30 day cleanse challenge. I deleted the app off my phone and cleared my cookies/browser cache so if I slipped up, I'd be forced to login. I admit, for the first week, I had a big urge to see what was going on, but after a while, that went away. I made a list of things I wanted to get done and I started to push myself. Believe me, it wasn't easy. The introvert in me wanted to go back to the routine of quiet, but I forced myself to step outside my comfort zone. I called neighbors and friends and went for walks. I lingered at the dogpark longer and actually talked to people and got to know them by their name, instead of as "Wolfgang's Dad or Disa's Mom". I went to the coffee shop, sat on the patio and worked outside for the afternoon (Boomer liked that). I networked with work friends and went into the office. I called friends I hadn't talked to in a while and actually had a long phone conversation. Not via text or email, actual phone! I went to lunch with friends during the day. And I started to research my next career and the one after that. I figured out how to fill gaps by volunteering. And I'm in the process of applying to another grad school program.
5) I did miss out on things
Was I feeling better? Yes! When my 30 days was up and I finally decided to log in and respond to the emails and friend requests I realized though that I was missing out on things. Significant events in people's lives were occurring (happy and sad) and I didn't know about it. I wasn't always seeing the pictures my family members were posting. But on the flip side, people weren't communicating with me either outside of facebook. Were they sending me pictures directly? Not all the time. Were people communicating difficult times directly via email. Not always. Was I missing out on an interesting article from NPR or updates from my Manitou Experience friends and fellow volunteers. Absolutely! I was feeling left out, but I was no longer feeling lonely about it or as if I was wasting my time. I did question though, can I live in a world without facebook? If everyone else is using this for communications, how can I not be included. What would happen if I stopped it completely?
6) Is there a conclusion to all of this?
That's a good question. I'm still trying to find my routine and figure out what a happy medium is for me. I know that I want to keep in touch with people and feel connected and a part of their lives. But I also know that I have started to build some bigger friendships with people face to face and outside of the social media world, and I like these better. But I also don't want to be out of the loop. How can I include social media in my life without it taking over my life. How can I pick and choose and be in control? For now, I'm still limiting my time on facebook and have gradually added it back in. I log in every few days now, but not on a daily basis. Am I missing things? Yes. Am I okay with that. Absolutely!
So if you'd read this far, I'd be interested in your opinion. Would you be willing to take the 30 day challenge? Do you find yourself contemplating a break from facebook?
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